dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize