Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
