It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
