You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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