Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize