Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
