we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
