Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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