I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
