Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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