make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
