4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
