i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
