In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
