So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
