Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
