I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
