I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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