Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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