So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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