Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
