Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
