I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
