Will you blow on my dice?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
