is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
