My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
