i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
