my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize