My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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