I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
