the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
