Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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