you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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