So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
