Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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