Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
