i was born a porn star she said
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I checked into jail on foursquare
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
