I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
