So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
