Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
