I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize