so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
