sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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