who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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