we made out on top of his cat.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
