Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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