I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
