Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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