Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
