I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
