Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
