we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
