I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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