I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
