just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Randomize
