yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
