he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
