if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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