you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
