entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
