Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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