New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
