I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Two words: blizzard sex
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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