Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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